Mary van Balen

"...You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.....you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church." Mt 16







For some, this passage from Matthew's gospel is justification for papal authority, for a pope in the first place. I don't think Jesus intended to establish the modern papacy with this statement. What I heard this morning as I sat with these words was "intimacy." Peter knew Jesus, and Jesus knew him. Isn't that what intimacy is, knowing and being known? Something we crave to have with another human being, but more profoundly, with God?

"God and I, we're like this!" one might say, holding up a hand with two fingers crossed, as close as they can get. Peter recognized Jesus as the one who was to come, the messiah, even if his understanding of Jesus' mission needed a little work. And Jesus knew his friend. He knew that his life and his words would be critical to bringing God's kingdom.

Even if Peter's "rockness" was more like sandstone than granite, who he was would be important in spreading the word. Read More 

"Have you celebrated that, Mom?" my daughter asked as I mentioned that this month would mark the beginning of my twenty-seventh year of writing my monthly column, "Grace in the Moment."

"Well, no. Not really."

"Well, you should. You should celebrate your accomplishments, and that is a big one."

I conceded that one ought to celebrate, but wasn't sure how to do something like that. I mean, shouldn't someone else plan the celebrating? It seems odd to throw a party for yourself.

"It doesn't have to be something big. Go out with a friend and have a drink, or go to lunch, or something."

She had a point. Our lives are busy with work, family, and friends. The house can always use some attention. There is shopping and laundry, and yard work. Who has time to think about celebrations? But we should.

Honoring our achievements is not bragging. It is a way to reverence who we are and the way we contribute to the world. Sometimes by our work. Sometimes just by who we are. Recognizing an accomplishment empowers us to go on, to build on what we have done. It is as much a push to the future as it is a nod to the past. Celebrating milestones is a kind of self-care: making sure we appreciate and nurture the gifts we have. Read More 

I wish I had a photo of the campfire, of someone holding up jumbo marshmallows flaming on the end of a stick looking like a torch, or another women eating the gooey treats like a drumstick. Or a photo of a woman sitting by the pond casting and catching fish into the night. Or of the supermoon edging the dark rain clouds with silver and then emerging glorious and bright.

On Saturday I attended the first quarterly potluck at the new Bittersweet Discoveries B&B, a new venture by a friend who, after years of thinking and praying about what to do with her lovely property, decided to jump in and see what happens.

I drove down after a long day at work but was in plenty of time to enjoy food and conversation. I reconnected with an old friend and made some new ones. On each table my friend had papers and pencils. The papers told a bit about her hopes for the B&B and a list of possible retreat or workshop topics that would be of interest to those attending. The offerings ranged from drawing, journaling, centering prayer, nature studies to how to catch and fillet fish. (I think I know who would teach that one after watching her enjoy angling for much of the evening. )

Whatever choices are made and gatherings offered, the central goal of Bittersweet Discoveries is to offer a safe place of nurture and healing for woman, wounded by relationships, family, or just difficult encounters with life. A good idea. A needed ministry. Read More 

I slipped into the pew a little late and noticed the lovely palm branches. Some people held them in their hands, some had laid them on the seat behind them. A few secured them with the hat clips on the pew backs, relics of days when hats were ordinary attire for men. They were not the long slender palm buds that my father had woven into crosses or interesting cone shapes when I was a child. These were the dark green leaves of the Emerald Palm and this was first time I had seen them.

As the familiar passion story was proclaimed, my mind wandered. When the story told of Jesus standing before the high priest, I thought of people today, standing in a court room, perhaps with families and supporters attending; perhaps the accused were alone. What dread fills their hearts? Remorse for the guilty ones? Anger for those wrongly accused? What fear for those who love them?

I thought of the emotions of those gathered in support of Travon Martin's parents in Miami. Thousands gathered. I wondered about the family and friends of George Zimmerman in the face of a growing movement and escalating tensions across the country. I thought of all those in our prison system. I thought of the obscurity of most of their cases. And I thought of Jesus.  Read More 

I didn't know the aftermath of divorce would be so difficult, just like I didn't know my marriage would be untenable. It isn't what I miss. Surely the good that came of the marriage took root and lives. And of course there are my grown children. No, it is not the missing. It is the acceptance of who I am and where I am that is the struggle.

As the Carmelite poet, Jessica Powers writes in her poem, "To Live with the Spirit," I am learning to be a listener. Throughout my life I have tried to be a listener to the God Within, so perhaps a more accurate account of my present journey is learning to be a better listener: One who trusts, one who is more comfortable with silence.

Psalm 62, from today's Morning Prayer, comes at this same truth from another angle: "In God alone be at rest, my soul, for my hope is from her...Trust God at all times, O people. Pour out your hearts before him, for God is our refuge..." Read More 

I lift up my eyes to the mountains:
from where shall come my help?
My help shall come from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

He will keep your foot from stumbling.
Your guard will never slumber.
No, he sleeps not nor slumbers,
Israel's guard.

The Lord your guard, the Lord your shade
at your right hand.
By day the sun shall not smite you,
nor the moon in the night.

The Lord will guard you from evil;
he will guard your soul.
The Lord will guard your going and coming,
both now and forever.

Psalm 121



As I read this psalm from today's morning prayer, peace filled my heart. At first glance, I am not sure why. Despite the promises of protection from evil, plenty of evil and suffering weave in and out of life: mine, my friends', every one in the world. Just turn on the news or listen to conversations. People are hurting. So, what happened to the Great Protector?

Praying with this psalm, I experienced a deep sense of God's "being with." In the midst of our illness and suffering, in the midst of war, drought, and famine, God is with us. In a sense, that seems small comfort. Certainly not the protective bubble we would prefer. Who would not like to keep those they love from suffering?

Yet, the words were deeply comforting. Facing our very human existence in a profoundly flawed world is more possible when we are not alone.

Who shares the Holy One's love and compassion with you? How do you share Love's Presence with others?

God will guard our souls, the psalm says. Our being, our center where the Holy One dwells. Somehow, despite physical and mental afflictions that still visit us, I find courage and hope in that truth Read More